Fundraisers were abseiling down Camden Council’s offices this lunchtime. I delighted in The Little One’s grim humour of “Oh, they have ropes. I thought it was a suicide” and “Why are they clapping? Did someone fall?” to see that I can foster a beautiful cynicism from her pain yet. My own mood however degenerated. By the evening, walking to see G for the last time for several weeks, I felt totally out of sync with the universe. I waited for him outside his flat, watching the fireworks and listening to the world being lived around me. I felt overwhelmingly lonely.