I don’t like green sweets. I don’t like green jelly babies, Opal Fruits (oh, sorry, I meant Starburst), jelly beans, Skittles - anything. But particularly green jelly babies. They’re horrible, they taste like Ajax smells. And the people who make the sweets know they’re horrible. Why else would they put so many in every packet? Fortunately for me however, my boss loves green sweets:

“Dear New Mummy,

I am but a poor jelly girl with very strict religious jelly parents. They musn’t know of my jelly septuplets. Please look after my babies. I can’t be bothered. Bite their heads off if you like. I don’t care.”