that you’re allowing life to pass you by? That there are people who are far more dedicated and far less lazy than you in pursuing the things they want from life? People you forgot about at school or lost touch with at university, maybe even people you only spoke to once or twice whilst you were there, but still leave a heart-stopping impression on you when you found out how much they’ve worked and achieved since they left.

And what have I done by comparison? What have I really achieved? Talent with no drive means nothing. All I seem to be good at is making excuses. Next month I’m going to be twenty six. Twenty six. It doesn’t sound that old at all does it?

It should.

To me, it really really should.

I think I sort of know I’ll never get to any of these places. So why do I keep trying? What am I doing that is wrong? What am I not doing? Did I choose the easy path? I always habitually thought of myself as a risk taker, but evidently I am not. I guess I only take risks about the things that ultimately don’t really matter to me, and thus are really no risk at all.

Must work harder. I must. I must. I must. I must.

I must spend this weekend finding out what it is I want to do, how I can do it, how others have taken things they’ve done to somewhere, and how I can do that too.

The only alternative is to wake up one day, middle aged and alone with a job I don’t want to be doing, and all because I gave up the ties that I thought would hold me back, and yet never once pushed myself forward.