was not playing. Nor Bittersweet Symphony or any other other happy-clappy ditty I’d always imagined hearing on walking out of the office for the last time.

If anything, the only song I heard was Land’s End, imagined all tube journey home, with the clatter of the northern line making a clumsy percussion to the unheard plucking of strings. Life’s now all about having nothing but a green tent and a violin at the moment, or whatever metaphor you want to use.

And don’t it seem like too long a time
Since you were sweating in the streetlight?

The office raised a glass to the disappearing administrator, and he made a brief but grateful speech. It may surprise most people to hear that I actually hate being the centre of attention. It makes me overwhelmingly self-conscious and I spout utter rubbish in a whiny sort of voice that sounds not only incredibly gay, but also a little like Willow in Buffy as she delivers an insufferably cute line. There was wine but I can’t drink. I was offered piza, but I couldn’t have eaten it – nothing but delicious scraps of boiled chicken and luxurious cups of Bovril for me. Mmn mmmmn. In the end I cracked and grabbed a glass of red wine and asked Con to join me in my Ready Room (the car park) for a cigarette. Doctors, what do they know? Towards the end of the day I was wandering around the office clutching my wine whilst everyone sat hunched over their screens still tapping away. I felt like a cross between a Bourgeois millowner and a lost party guest they didn’t quite know what to do with. I quite like the latter, I might make that my new personality.

As I said in response to a very lukewarm and arbitrary goodbye via email from someone who I’ve worked with for the past two and a half years, “second star to the right, and straight on till morning…”

Everything you’re sure of is up for change

… because tomorrow I once again wake up as just a boy called Ben who’s chasing adventures and living on chance.

And dry toast and Tesco value beans.

• This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 6th, 2007 at 9:36 pm and is filed under babble. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.