For sale: One burnt out type 3 novelist: Leto model. No longer remotely top of the range but these models are proving increasingly popular with collectors, and is still just about functional at benchmark level. Details below.
HARDWARE:
Base unit: Mesomorphic with interchangeable trichological fascias.
Memory: About 512k.
Respiratory capacity: Can push a marble up a slight incline in under three hours.
Hepatic status: Dangerously exciting. (Current bidders include Sarsons and The Fat Duck. Eugene Victor Tooms politely declined to make an offer on account of having given up junk food).
Memory: About 5… 12… something.
Battery status: Poor. Unable to function for extended periods without external support.
FIRMWARE AND ADDITIONAL DETAILS:
Compatibility with other models: Motherboard completely burnt out. Currently held together with motheaten nostalgia and fuzzy feelgood scenes from arthouse films. Adaptive flirtation coprocessors (hardly used).
Interface: Built in sarcasm. WARNING: Corrosive and highly flammable. DO NOT ACTIVATE UNLESS FULLY QUALIFIED.
Voice activated: Responds to input keywords: ‘PUB’, ‘DRINK’ and ‘BOYS’.
KNOWN DESIGN FLAWS:
CPU permanently active, resulting in occasional Random Shutdown Syndrome.
Operating system notorious for hanging, claiming to be busy but apparently doing nothing for great periods of time. Later it attempts too many tasks at once, resulting in frequent crashes.
In serious need of defragmenting. Frequently misplaces files and claims they were stolen by Communists.
Serial ident error: believes itself to be a far superior model than it is.
All offers considered. Buyer accepts Paypal, cash and lager.
I’LL TAKE IT.
Comment by Stephen — 25 June, 2007, 4:03 pm
You’ll have to timeshare with the Margate Sunnyrest Retirement home. They were just that little bit faster in making an offer.
Comment by Ben — 25 June, 2007, 4:06 pm