I have become Hate.

All I feel now is anger. Rage. Utter consuming Fury.

Those of you who like to look for rational A to B reasons in all things might as well stop reading now, because my explanation, very limited though it will be, will offend your bland black and white sensibilities so much that you will surely dismiss it all with a shake of your largely padded mind, and put it all down to a rant from someone who should concentrate more on their career. On paying the bills and getting out more. On having, what I am sure you sincerely believe is, “a life”.

I hate because, I think, there is nothing left to feel. Whatever part of me that is still doing its best to still be human realises that there is no other emotion left to feel.

I cannot love because love was burnt from me, and made into something cheap and meaningless.
I cannot fear because what is there left to fear in a world full of cattle and cardboard?
I cannot cry because I feel no sorrow for those who are so content in their limitations.
I cannot laugh because I cannot even smile.
I cannot rest because everything is wrong.

So all I feel is hate. Consuming, total Fury and rage. It courses through my every vein with a destructive force I have not felt in some time. Not since… no, no we’re not supposed to mention that are we?

My head is spinning with all this fast moving blood, carrying fresh thoughts into my overworked mind. I’m not very good at being a person, too easily distracted by things that don’t involve work and paying the bills and going out and having a life.

Call it a madness, it’s easier that way. But everything is wrong, and it surely can’t go on like this for much longer. And no one is doing anything about it. So my hand clenches into a fist, or the grip for a sword, and my teeth bite down hard on my lip. Why not? It’s all as arbitrary as a cup of tea, or getting drunk or paying the bills.

The universe is not this badly ordered, so why does it all happen like this?